View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Tue Jul 17, 2018 7:21 pm

Reply to topic  [ 10 posts ] 
 Golf Jokes Anyone? 
Author Message
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:45 pm
Posts: 373
Location: Manitoba Golf Courses and Winnipeg Golf Courses
Post Golf Jokes Anyone?
Does anyone have any good golf jokes?

Cheesy ones like the following are ok too :lol:

Why did the Golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Answer: In case he got a Hole-in-One :lol:

Thu Feb 15, 2007 5:10 pm
Profile WWW
On The Fairway

Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 48
Post A New Set Of Golf Clubs
A New Set Of Golf Clubs

''I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife!''

''Great trade!''

Sun Feb 18, 2007 4:34 pm
On The Fairway

Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 48
Post Politics and Golf
Politics and Golf

Q: What golfing what foursome do you never want to be behind?

A: Monica Lewinsky because she's a hooker; O.J. Simpson, since he's a slicer; Ted Kennedy -- he can't drive over water; and Bill Clinton, because he'll go for any hole.


Sun Feb 18, 2007 4:36 pm
On The Fairway

Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 48
Top Ten Signs You’re Golfing Too Much

-When you pick up something off the floor, you have to lean on your putter

-The only number on your speed dial is 1-800-TEETIME.

-You have your priorities in order: food, shelter, greens fees, job.

-You dream you go to prison but still get conjugal visits with your driver.

-You tell the lost motorist that the gas station is only a par 4 away on the left.

-You’d like to take off your glove but hey, why bother?

-Whenever you see a hole in the ground, you squat, squint and read the line.

-You’re vaguely aware of living with a woman, allegedly your wife

-You ask the shopper ahead in the checkout line if you can play through.

-Before you pick up the salt shaker, you mark its position with a dime.

Sat Mar 03, 2007 3:55 pm
On The Fairway

Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 48
Two couples went out golfing together.

The men hit first from the men's tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box.
The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely, while passing some gas rather loudly in the process.

No one commented.

She addressed the ball again but this time she passed just a little gas as she made contact with the ball, topping it and moving it only a short distance. She said,
"I wonder why it didn't go any further?"

One of the men said, "I don't think you gave it enough gas!"

Sat Mar 03, 2007 3:57 pm
On The Fairway

Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 48
There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday, it didn't matter what kind of weather it was. He was hooked.

One Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided wouldn't golf that day and went back home.

His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes and snuggled up to his wife and said "Terrible weather out there."

She replied, "Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband went golfing."

Sat Mar 03, 2007 4:00 pm
On The Fairway

Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 48
A young man and a priest are playing together.

At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son?"
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

Sat Mar 03, 2007 4:03 pm
On The Fairway

Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 48
Really Old Golfers

Two really old guys decided that they would go out and try to play
a round of golf together. They get to the first tee and the first
old guy says to the second,

"Can you watch my ball for me?"

The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit."

So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He
turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?"

"Sure!", says his buddy.

"Where did it go?", the first guy asks.

The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't


Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:16 pm
On The Fairway

Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 48
The 20 Laws Of Golf

Law 1
No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This
law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural
tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and,
eventually, a lifetime.

Law 2
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your
worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the
number of people you tell about the former.

Law 3
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be
proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the
golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

Law 4
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does,
the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

Law 5
No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing
partners must solemnly chant "You looked up" -- or else invoke the
wrath of the universe.

Law 6
The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself
as an instructor.

Law 7
Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate
golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

Law 8
Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

Law 9
Palm trees eat golf balls.

Law 10
Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works
against you?

Law 11
Golf carts always run out of power at the farthest point from the

Law 12
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone
in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will
consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted
murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

Law 13
All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

Law 14
Golf balls from the same sleeve tend to follow one another,
particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law 3).

Law 15
A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

Law 16
"Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly,
"tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one,

Law 17
The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one
who beats you.

Law 18
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your
score to what it really should be.

Law 19
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

Law 20
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until sunset.

Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:18 pm
On The Fairway

Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2007 10:10 pm
Posts: 27
Funny stuff! It looks like Slicer is the jokester of the forum. Sorry I don't have any good jokes to add to the fun.

Tue Mar 20, 2007 9:31 pm
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 10 posts ] 

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Privacy Policy - Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Theme Modified by Manitoba Golf Forum Original etechgreen Designed by STSoftware.